Sunday, 17 November 2013

can we talk?

"Can we talk?"

That's what Ol' Peepers asked me yesterday evening.  I thought to myself, I guess we can.  I know I can.  I'm hearin' you talkin' so I assume you can, as well.  Don't know why you're suddenly wonderin' if you can no longer speak.  You been into the human nip?

And there, my friends,  was the crux of the matter...  the nip.  Not human consumption but rather, cat consumption.  MOUSES!  I had been caught.

As you know, I celebrated my second blogoversary a couple of weeks ago and as I wanted to celebrate it in style, I had a giveaway.  That's right...  I gave away a variety of paw-made nip mice.  As you might also know, nip mice contain the nip.  Kind of makes sense when you think about it.  that's why they're called nip mice.

And by the way, about that giveaway...   a lovely little kitten named Poof won the prize and those mice are currently winging their way to him via the postal service, as we speak.  CONGRATULATIONS POOF!  I just know you're gonna love those mice.

How do I know Poof is gonna love 'em?  Well, 'cause I kind of got into the nip when the peep wasn't lookin'.  I NEVER TOUCHED POOF'S MICE.  No, I went straight for the bag containing the main stash of the nip.  Can you really blame me?  I mean...  it was nip!  Good, fresh - well, freshly dried, organically grown nip.  Mouses that stuff was good.

Anywho...  my little foray into the nip is what caused Ol' Peepers to ask, "Can we talk?"

I explained to the peep how I simply couldn't help myself but at the same time, I told her how she needn't worry 'cause obviously, I had had enough restraint and good sense to not go after the toys in the giveaway.  But that bag of nip...  that bag of nip...  that bag of nip was callin' my name.  Really, it was.  I heard it and everything.

"Nissy," began the peep, "there's nothing wrong with a little nip now and then.  All cats deserve to have a little nip.  I just want to make sure you don't have a problem with it."

Peepers be jeepers!  I don't have any problem with the nip except, maybe, a lack thereof.  Although truth be told, the peep is pretty good at keepin' me well supplied.

I fully admit that I like my nip:  fresh, dried, in toys, straight up.  You show me the nip and I'll show you one happy kitty.  But I've never been a mean nipster.  I've never lashed out at anyone after indulgin' in the stuff.  An addiction is not an excuse to be mean, I told the peep.  Not that I am addicted or anythin'.  But if I were, I still wouldn't go around bein' nasty or mean.  In fact, if anything, I'm even nicer after a little indulgence.  Probably because basically, I'm a very nice cat.  No nip is gonna turn me mean.  You've gotta be mean to start with for the nip to magnify the meanness.  The nip has gotta have somethin' to magnify.

Oh sure, I've been known to get the munchies after nippin' but honestly, I think that's a perfectly normal response.  I've never done anything rash after enjoyin' the nip.  I've never fired anyone 'cause of my nippin' and believe you me, I have reason to fire some peeps.  I, Nerissa the Cat, have the worst IT support in the history of the Blogosphere.  The peep is...  the peep is...  there are no words for what the peep is when it comes to IT support other than her bein' a technologically impaired duffer and that's puttin' it rather mildly.  And I just wanna mention that sayin' that is not mean.  It's simply fact.  I believe the peep would even agree with me on that.  Clearly, nip has never made me mean or anything of the sort 'cause I haven't yet gotten rid of the peep.

That was when the peep brought up the subject of the tins.  MOUSES!  I had been caught again.

She wanted to know why some of the other cats were upset with me about the tins of the fanciest of the feasts.  And it wasn't just my brothers and sisters who were upset.  It was that nosey neighbour cat, too.  Apparently, he had been tellin' on me.  Apparently, word was out that it wasn't always him gettin' onto the kitchen counter and knockin' stuff down.

Well my friends, at that point I had to fess up.  I explained to the peep that I had, at times, gone into a tin or two of somethin' super tasty that was left open on the counter but I had never actively blamed nosey neighbour cat or any other cat, for that matter.  I simply hadn't admitted to my actions when others had been accused.  I also pointed out that I was not the only one doin' such things.  Others had been involved, as well.

The peep told me I had to apologise to nosey neighbour cat along with any of my brothers and sisters to whom I might owe an apology or two.  APOLOGISE!  Oh...  mouses. 

That's when I had to explain to Ol' Peepers how some of the other cats weren't acceptin' my apologies any more.  Apparently, after the first couple dozen apologies, subsequent apologies start comin' across as insincere.  Yup, it's true.  You apologise and apologise and apologise for allowin' a little misdirected blame to continue and before you know it, other cats stop listenin'.  They say they've heard it all before and aren't interested in hearin' it again. 

I'm gonna have to change my tactics.  Mix it up a little.  Hmmm...  maybe I could sue.  Sue 'em for tellin' on me.  It's a possibility.  Can you sue someone for tellin' the truth about you?  Gonna have to think about that one.  I'm thinkin' not but you never know.  Stranger things have happened.

32 comments:

  1. So you got the "Can we talk?" just because you smelled a little bit to deep into the Nip ??!!
    I just miaow OMC !

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  2. Hehe, denial is the first step to recovery, dear Nerissa.

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  3. Nothing wrong with a little overload of nip. Just don't worry about it Nissy. They are just jealous that you had such a good time. Take care.

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  4. I am confused. How can you ever have a problem with nip?

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  5. As you Lady next time if you can talk about her coffee or tea habit. Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones! Lee and Phod

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    1. Not to mention chocolate! purrs

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    2. Awww Nissy, it's your peep who has the problem. Maybe she's secretly taken to having nip herself and wants the entire stash left for her. That happens to peeps sometimes. You might have to hide the stash from her.

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  6. Hint: Always eat some ><(((º> after you have some nip pal, the scent throws everyone off a bit!

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  7. MOL Brian might have the right idea!!

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  8. Obviously your peep has never had nip. Otherwise, she wouldn't be giving you the talk.

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    1. We like the nip too, Nerissa - and my human ENABLES us!

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  9. I can't top the comment above me so I won't try. I gotta say I'm a mean Vine head. After I sniff the Vine, I lash out at TW. In fact, she hid one of my Vine fish and to this day hasn't been able to find it.

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  10. Bribe these (alleged) food-pilfering cats with some of the bud, Nissy! THAT'LL shut 'em up.

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  11. Never APOLOGIZE.
    Never EXPLAIN.

    You are NERISSA, Viceroy Extraordinaire of the Marina. That is all you ever need to say.

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  12. Oh Nissy, you're in trouble! The first step to a nip addiction is to admit it to yourself! Least you're not addicted to other peepers type of food. Well, I dunno actually, maybe you are? Beata's ginger peril, Geshe, got his nose stuck into her champagne and rhubarb yoghurt the other night when her back was turned. He tried to hide the fact but he had white stuff all over his nose and chin. Was it a complicit trap to catch the ginger one out? You wanna play it cool with the other cats. Never apologise. Never explain. They'd do it too if they had the guts! Or were high on good quality West Indian nip...

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  13. Oh no ... let's talk means nag, nag, nag, over here. Nothing wrong with a little extra indulgence as it is nearly the season to be jolly we say. Nissy we suggest selective hearing LOL.
    Have a marvellous Monday.
    Best wishes Molly

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  14. I came to say thank you so much for the visit with loving comments when we lost our sweet boy. So appreciated and helped us so much. Hugs Carol x

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  15. Perhaps you could sue the other kitties for annihilation of your peeps ignorance?

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  16. Well Nissy, I think suing is a pawsibility. "Defamation of Character" works - doesn't it?

    Kitty Hugs, Sammy

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  17. Don't worry Nerissa : they have maybe never tried, and they don't really know about what they speak by worrying for not much. Purrs

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  18. What a brilliant idea, you shouldn't tell tails! (BOL) um..or perhaps you will have to come up with some dirt on peeps, then next time she wanted to chat you could drop in what you know?! Just a thought!!

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  19. Nissy, back to the Nip! You say you are not a mean nasty nipper, but, may it have something to do with the endless apologies which may be due to counter surfing and, listen closely, Nip-Munchies!
    In our home we have...

    **A cat is heard in the background meowing "TIMMY!"**

    Oh, sorry, it is anonymouse after all.
    If things do get out of hand, if you like, we can have a quiet introduction.
    We are here fur you!
    Timmy

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  20. Hey Nissy, Maybe you could join Cat Scouts. It might help you to temper your actions a little. That is Mauricio's suggestion anyway. The rest of us think you need to practice your sneakiness. Purrs and hugs, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

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  21. Nissy we have to agree with Brian. that is excellent cat to cat advise. *teehee* We are nipheads too.

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  22. I am blind in one eye and am losing the sight in my good eye--- now!!!! I am sorry but I can't read your blog--- I want to but can not---sosooooooo sorry!!

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    1. No need to apologize. I'm sorry you can't read Nerissa's Life. I hope you're well, otherwise. Sending healing purrs for you. purrs

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  23. Nissy, was the peep trying to nip something in the bud? I think she's a spoil sport of the first order!!! ;)

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  24. Nissy, the next time you hear "can we talk?" make sure you run! It usually leads to something you don't want to hear :-)

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  25. But nip is not addictive, is it Nissy? Wait, what ... it IS? Well, *we're* not addicted here or anything! Oh heck, we're in denial ... sigh.

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  26. OMC!! Nissy, you got "can we talk" talk??? MOUSES! The nip is just,well...'you'...tell the peep to get over it. But that thing about gettin into some extra Fancy Feast...well...just remember...my three way teleport tunnel is not really big...and if you should, ya know...ummm...add any to your weight..we could have a problem....just a reminder...

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