Wednesday, 14 August 2013

hemming and hawing

So I hemmed and I hawed.  Then I hawed and I hemmed.  Do I?  Can I?  Should I?  Will I?

I mean...  just how many times can a cat blog about the foolish things his peep does in the garden before all the other cats out there get bored hearing about it?  Then I realised that a cat can blog ENDLESS times 'bout the foolish things his peep does in the garden if the peep in question continues to insist upon doin' foolish things.

So this is what she did this time...

We used to have two hedges by the driveway but a couple of years ago, ol' peepers got rid of one although, truth be told, I see bits and pieces of it tryin' to come back.  Those hedges are tricky characters, you know.  They're real tricksters, for sure.  Gotta keep a watchful eye on 'em and tell 'em who's boss and whatnot.  Never trust a hedge.  But I digress...

Yesterday morning, peep #1 announced that later that day she was gonna trim the remaining hedge by the driveway.  The hedge she kept.  I'm thinkin' she might be reconsidering that decision right about now.  Actually, I'm thinkin' she might be reconsidering both decisions.  The first one, to keep the hedge and the second one, to prune it yesterday.

It was about three o'clock in the afternoon when ol' peepers started hauling stuff out of the garage.  First came them the electric hedge trimmer thingy and then the outdoor electrical cords.  Then she started attaching things here and plugging in things there.  Right off the bat I could tell I was in for a show.  I watched from inside, however.  I know from experience that those electrical hedge trimmers are super loud and, as you all know, I have very sensitive ears.

Anywho... the peep revved up her trimmers and went at it.  Things were running smoothly...  at first.  She started over at the far end of the driveway, down by the road, where the hedge was shorter.  I don't know why it was shorter down there.  Just was.  Actually, it still is.  Yeah, I never said my peep was good at trimming the hedge.  Only said she was gonna do it.

So she trimmed that hedge this way and that way.  From right to left and then from left to right.  For a moment I thought she was wavin' a flag out there or somethin' but then I realised that no, she was just waving around the trimmers.  Then she went up and down the sides of the hedge.  Side to side and then from the ground, up.  Never from top to bottom, though.  Think that's a safety thing or somethin'.

At one point, a neighbour passed by and called out, "Be careful with those things!"  Scared the livin' daylights out of my peep.  NEVER STARTLE A PEEP WEILDIN' ELECTRICAL CUTTING EQUIPMENT.  Just sayin'...

So the far end of the hedge got trimmed up.  So far, so good.  Well...  I wouldn't say it was good but it'll do, I suppose.  It'll have to do.  I'm not planning on fixin' it.

Turns out the far end of the hedge was merely the opening act.  With the arrival of the peep at the near end of the hedge, the main show was about to begin so I settled in and made myself comfortable.

I immediately saw that she was gonna have a problem.  I think ol' peepers saw it, too. 

You see, although not a short person, she's also not a tall one.  She says she is of average height; five feet, four and a half inches.  To be honest, I've noticed that peeps who are truly of average height, don't make such a fuss over that extra half-inch like she does.  I think that might mean she's short.


But more to the point, the hedge was tall.  At least, it was taller than her.  Still is, in fact.  And in some places it's a lot taller than her.  Remember, not once did I ever say ol' peepers was good at the trimming of the hedges.

So she managed to trim the sides, all right.  She even managed to trim up the outer parts of the top but there was still this strip of tall stuff left down the centre of the top of the hedge.  Let's just say it's a good thing I invented that ol' saying, friggity-frack der quack-der-knack!  You know the one.  The one for when MOUSES! just isn't enough.

Then she hauled the step stool outside and climbed up on that.  This allowed her to trim up a little more of the top of the hedge but there was still some left.  Clearly, she couldn't get the step stool close enough to the hedge to actually help her.  The ground there was just too uneven and the stool was gonna topple.  What to do...  what to do...

Also, the trimmers kept on jammin' up on her.  Little pieces of hedge were gettin' stuck in its teeth and every time that happened, the peep had to climb down from the step stool, unplug the trimmers and remove the bits of hedge.  I heard MOUSES! bein' uttered, more than once.

Finally, peepers gave up on the step stool.  I think she realised she needed to get closer to the problem at paw so she tried to become one with the hedge.  Yeah, you heard that correctly.  She practically disappeared inside the thing.  She pushed herself into it until it almost swallowed her up.  That was when ol' peepers made the most progress.  Piece by piece, the disobeying bits of hedge toppled over.

Finally, ol' peepers proclaimed that the hedge had been trimmed.  It wasn't perfect, mind you.  Not even close but good enough for her, I guess.  It looked like it was gonna rain and she knew she had to finish up with the electric trimmers before that happened.  So she started hauling everything back into the garage and the house.

Perhaps from her vantage point she couldn't see them.  Perhaps she didn't want to see them.  But I could see them.  I could see those two branches sticking up there in the middle of the tallest part of the hedge.  I can still see them, in fact.  I can them while I'm sitting here at my computer, writin' my blog and lookin' out my office window.  Plain as day, they are.  Should I tell the peep?  Should I mention her mistake or just let her discover it all on her own.  Hmmm...

And should I mention that other thing I noticed?  Should I mention that I noticed how she left the car windows partially open yesterday?  Or should I just let her discover that on her own, too?  She'll probably figure it out when she goes to use the car later today 'cause...  well...  after she finished sort of trimmin' up the hedge...  it poured.  MOUSES!

34 comments:

  1. I like to sniff the hedges outside my house. :)

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  2. Please please come to my blog! It's NICO&ANYA'S BIRTH DAY TODAY!!!!!

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  3. MOUSES, step stools and power tools do not go together. Yes, you need to teach your hooman ;-0

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  4. Maybe you will be extra nice to your poor peep who tries so hard. There are lots like her out here, but I won't make any confessions just now.

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  5. I am embarassed to admit, I, too, left car windows down last night. All the way. So, of course, it rained.
    ~Vicat

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  6. Heh! Trickster hedges. Gotta watch those like hawks! Wait a minute....we have some of those. Trimmer time, peeps! Hope we have as good a show! Purrs...

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  7. Tell her to be creative in explaining her silliness: think of the hedge as an alien (told you creative) and the two branches are the alien antennae. Then tell her to enter an alien look alike contest (with the hedge, not her).
    QUINN

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  8. OMC - what a day your peep had - and the window being down - not gonna be pretty - peep will be using all kinds of HBO words

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  9. Nissy, we think she's going to discover those things when she reads what you've posted. Our mommy would trim the one hedge thingy we have even with the ground, but our dad won't let her. She wants to put in ANOTHER flower bed…as if she has time to keep up with the ones she already has. Obviously, we don't care one way or the other. Purrs and hugs to all, Lily Olivia, Misty May, Mauricio, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo.

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  10. Ah the old yard fight with lawn and brush and, well, all of it. Dad threw the towel in a few years back and got the lawn Doods. I think it was one spring when there was a need for a battery and starter for the tractor. That old tractor is still growin spider webs. Just sayin.

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  11. That is such a funny story since out Person is just like your Peep. But at least the peep gave it the almighty try. Good work peep. Take care.

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  12. dood...we hada hedge... onze.....nice hedge it wuz two...tall...kept de view oh de naybors outta site...then de food servizz purrson thinked her wuz gonna ...dee sign it.....shape it inta sum thin bee sides hedge squared.....

    did wee menshun we hada hedge.....onze

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  13. Wow, and we thought our human was the only one couldn't accurately plumb a straight line on a hedge. Soooo embarrassing isn't it? *snicker*

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  14. Can you dial 911?
    The REAL Maple Syrup Mob xxxxx

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  15. We use to have a hedge. They didn't cut it often. They actually hired someone! Your person was good to do it! Lee and Phod

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  16. MOL! It is a good thing my human doesn't do any hedge trimming around here. She trims her own bangs, and you should see how THEY turn out sometimes!

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  17. MOUSES!!! Peep #1 needs much closer snoopervising Nissy; and you really should not let her handle electrical stuff with sharp edges...and if she insists...do as you did...STAY INSIDE! (and dry...snicker, snicker)

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  18. Oh just leave 'em there and let some stray cat tell her about 'em..... woo woo woo!

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  19. MOL! Your peep sure provides you endless entertainment, doesn't she, Nissy??

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  20. Holy SH*T Nerissa you really did crack me open a pretty good laugh!!!!!:p lol good story! Poor people they just...Aren't as SMART as CATS lol!!!:xd xoxo

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  21. I'm impressed you can watch, and my typists says to tell your peep that she is about the perfect height (or would be if she was half an inch shorter!) :0) Go on guess how tall my typist is! *roles eyes*

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  22. Hahaha sounds like SPeedy's Dad,xx Rachel

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  23. No steps and a hedge cutter. Yikes. Hope you had 911 on speed dial Nissy. Have a tremendous Thursday.
    Best wishes Molly

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  24. Oooooo. Electric trimmers AND a step stool on uneven ground. Not exactly the best combination, eh?
    After reading about your peep and the hedge, we are mighty glad WE don't have a hedge.

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  25. HAHAHAHA....well, first of all, no doubt your Peep has noticed by now that the inside of the car is WET thanks to leaving the window down (what a hoot)....as for the hedge mishap - I kinda think it would be the most fun to just WAIT to see when she notices those big tall bits she missed.....I'm sure you'll be hearing a lot of those MOUSEY words from her when she does!

    Kitty Hugs, Sammy

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  26. Dang, that sure wasn't too much fun for the peep!!!

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  27. Nerissa your story was funny!:xd

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  28. Mouses is right!!! MOL, your poor peep but that sure made for a funny story!! I agree with you about the half inch -- I am 5 foot 3 and a half, and I ALWAYS include the half.

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  29. I suppose that SOME day we kitties MIGHT tire of reading about the Misadventures of Peep #1, but that day? Well, it is not today, Nissy. This one is a keeper story.

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  30. Cut her some slack, Nissy! She's only human!! Hehe!!! xox

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  31. hi Nerissa! i love your blog hope you can come by my blog!

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  32. Oh cat! Do we ever feel your peep's pain... or should we say our human's can feel your peep's pain. You would think we live in a castle surrounded by a moat at our house, we have so many hedges. We live on a corner house and they surround the entire house, except for the driveway and the human's cuss up a storm dealing with these hedges... Bain of their existence, they say... whatever that means... Purrs from the Zee and Zoey gang

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