Wednesday, 21 August 2013

g is for geocatology

Summer holidays are nearing an end here in Nova Scotia and soon all the kiddies will be heading back to school.  This got me to thinking about perhaps taking a course or two myself.  I figured I could do the bulk of it on-line, avoiding any nasty and unnecessary car rides.

I thought long and hard about what I would like to study.  Should I be looking at courses in the arts, the humanities or the sciences?  Cat Lit 101 sounded pretty good but then, so did Peepology and no, peepology has nothing to do with litter boxes.  It is the study of the species known as the peep.  Of course, some advanced instruction in Kitty Physics could prove useful.  As many of you know, teleportation and time travel are two great interests of mine.  My brother Seville and I practically pioneered the field of applied egg beater-whisk time-travelling teleportation physics .

What to do...  what to do...

Finally, I decided that I should wet my paws in the university environment with a bird course.  I've heard peeps talk of them.  Of course, I originally thought they had to do with birds but apparently, they do not.  These bird courses are the easy ones.  The ones that can give a kitty's mind a little rest while still gaining a university credit.  What a plan!

I immediately decided upon the study of Geocatology.  I already had a working knowledge of the subject so I thought, how hard could it be?

Apparently, more difficult than I imagined.

First of all, I had to find a university offering courses in geocatology.  It wasn't easy.  It was, in fact, impossible.  I scoured the course offerings of every major university in both North America and Europe and found nothing.  Not a single one offered even an introductory course in the science.  MOUSES!

Geocatology appears to be a very understudied course of study.  I can't imagine why.  It's incredibly important to both cats and peeps alike.

Geocatology is the study of where the cats are. 

On a large scale, we cats want to know what are the most cat friendly nations and habitats on the planet.  Peeps, too, require such knowledge.  Large-scale geocatology can be applied to any industry dealing with cats.  You work for a pet food company?  You're gonna wanna know where the cats live 'cause that's where you're going to sell your pet food.  You manufacture cat toys?  You're gonna wanna know where the cats live 'cause that's where you're going to sell the cat toys.  You write mysteries about cats helpin' peeps solve crimes?  You're gonna wanna know where the cats live 'cause that's where you're going to market your books.  The list goes on and on.  Surely you can see the usefulness of such a science.

Geocatology can also be applied on a much smaller scale and this is the part that really fascinates me.  In a household such as mine, there may live twelve cats but at any given time, where exactly are those twelve cats?  This element of geocatology is incredibly complex.  Results can differ from hour to hour.  Even minute to minute.  One moment, a cat is asleep on a bed.  A moment later, that very same cat is at the door.  By using the magnetic power of the opening of a tin, all twelve cats are in the kitchen.  Turn on a vacuum or bring out a pet carrier and they all disappear.  Where are they?  The study of geocatology would give you the insight necessary to find them.  Such a useful science.

Why do the birds sing?  Who let the dogs out?  Where is the cat?  These are some of the greatest unanswered questions of all time.  I can't help you with the first two but if I could get my paws on a couple of good geocatology textbooks, I might be able to answer the third. 

Perhaps I, Nerissa the Cat, should write a textbook or two on the study of geocatology.  I'm sure I could find a little spare time in my hectic schedule of blogging, supervising the peeps, napping and working on the further development of applied egg beater-whisk time travelling-teleportation physics.  Then, perhaps after I've written a text or two on the subject, I might offer a course myself.  I bet all those Ivy League schools will be lining up to have me as one of their professors.  Yes, I can see myself now...  Harvard, Princeton, Oxford, Dalhousie...  they'll all be calling me.  They'll all be wanting me, Nerissa the Cat, to teach on their campus.  Professor Nerissa the Cat.  I LIKE IT!  Don't you?

33 comments:

  1. I think you would make the best Professor ever!!! Wonderful post Nerissa!

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  2. U would be a good perfesser! :)

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  3. OH Nissy, we think that is such a good idea to write a textbook on the study of geocatology. That would be soooooo interesting. Good idea. Take care.

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  4. Brilliant, Nissy! Now how about inventing some miniaturized GPS tags for the cats, and you could just sit at the computer and gather the data! You would have a huge data set in the end and could find out all sorts of things about those cats and their preferences for places to be and to go. ( After a while they might start to get suspicious and worried about why you were collecting all those data on them, and what you were going to do with it all. )

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  5. Geocatology sounds a very interesting course - could we sign our Mum up for the junior session please as she still has lots to learn.
    Luv Hannah and Lucy xx xx

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  6. I love that name!! (and to answer you YES that is a bunny! It is now a CAT bed lol!!)

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  7. We think there was a documentary on Geocatology in the UK recently...they affixed a camera AND GPS on the collars of some kitties in a village to see what they did. Are you sure you want to have a big old tag capturing your every move, Nerissa? We think we'll rather have the big old tag on our peeps to see where THEY go.

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    1. Ah yes... I remember that ridiculous attempt at geocatology. THEY DID IT ALL WRONG.

      Purrs,
      Nissy

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  8. deer cod dood...we all most felled off R hammicks when ewe men shuned de B werd....

    GLAD it turned out knot like we thinked.....whoa...

    may we men shun one oh R fav rite claszes frum bak in R skewl dayz

    LUNCH BRAKE !!! we ACED it :)

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  9. I think you would make a great professor Nissy!xx Speedy

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  10. What a great idea! We know we love making our people guess where we are, especially when the doorbell rings. You write the books, we'll read them fur sure! Purrs...

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  11. Sure that you would be the best professor ! Purrs

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  12. Me think you would be THE best Professor in da whole wide world !!
    XOXO

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  13. Nissy, your brains never fail to amaze me! Hey, I was thinking, this gecatology stuff, could it find the fabled Time Travel Trench reputed to be hidden in the submerged continent of Zealandia?

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  14. I think you should be teaching humans, Nerissa! They need learning worse than we do!

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  15. You would be a pawsome Purrfessor

    The Florida Furkids

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  16. Hmmm, me thinks a course on geocatology and applied egg beater-whisk time travelling-teleportation physics might help mes get that pesky tunnel of mine aligned properly. If mes came to visit yous, does yous thinks yous could fix it?
    Kisses
    Nellie

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    1. Seville could, for sure.

      Purrs,
      Nissy

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  17. You are our favourite cat teacher! Lee and Phod

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  18. You know pal, maybe you should contact the university and tell them you could teach the course in Cattology! Tell them you would work cheap - maybe for a new good back of expensive kibble and a bag of your favorite treats. Now how could they resist an offer like that?

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  19. We think you hit on the best plan with you authoring the texts. We can tell you right now that our human would buy one. We bet every cat pawrent in the universe would want one. Keep us posted about your plans. Purrs and hugs, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

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  20. I'll be your first student, Nerissa. Pawkisses for the Professor :)

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  21. What a brilliant idea, especially as you know more than most (if not all) peeps on the subject!

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  22. Oh I think this is a magnificent idea Professor Nissy.....I do, I do! You're imminently qualified to teach this course and I'd certainly make sure my Mom read your textbooks from cover to cover and back again. Yep - sure would! AND, when she's asleep at night, I'd be reading them too......it pays to stay one step ahead of the peeps!

    Kitty Hugs, Sammy

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  23. Nissy, did you know that scatology is the study of poops? Now THAT might be an interesting course to do!!!! Whatever! You are the catademic to beat all catademics!!

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  24. If I can be King, You can be Professor. I mean, you ARE Professor.
    Geocatology, Archeocatology, Psycatology--We could start a college of our own. You have to pass a CAT Scan to get in.

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  25. We think you would be an awesome prof, we might even be inspired to take your course!

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  26. Lou thinks he would be very interested in taking your course, and thinks you would be the best professor ever!

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  27. Hrm, be sure that they add the word "Emeritus" to your professorial title, dood. You deserve it!

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  28. Hi Buddy, How's that brain of yours these days? Got a few spare minutes to solve unemployment or traffic jams?

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