Sunday, 7 July 2013

E = mc2

E = mc2 where E is the catnetic energy of a moving object and equals the mass of that moving object times the speed of the swipe of a cat's paw, squared.  Got that?  Good.

The equation is simple but oh-so-important.  It provides the basis for the principles of classical mecatics and electrocatnetic radiation.  These principles have been used to create the various teleportation devices we cats of the blogsophere know so well.  Well, these principles along with some tunnels and egg beaters, of course.  Yes, it's true.  All my home-made teleportation devices include at least one egg beater.  It's a fact.

I've heard peeps talkin' about this E=mc2 formula and what I've heard can only be described as crazy talk.  They're always trying to substitute the speed of the swipe of a cat's paw with the speed of light.  Speed of light?  What's that about?  Either the light is on or the light is off but it's not like it's goin' anywhere. 

Actually, the light could be going somewhere.  The light in question could be the object with the mass that is being swiped by the cat's paw.  It has happened before.  Many a lamp has been knocked off a table by a cat.  But obviously, those peeps are putting the light in the wrong part of the equation and I bet they never once put the lamp on a scale to get its mass.  MOUSES!

Albert Einstein came up with his own version of this equation.  A humanised version, so to speak.  For some strange reason, it is his version peeps teach in schools.  I am very grateful and proud to say that I was home-schooled by my mama where I was taught the basics of special relacativy.  I would never have learnt the important stuff had I gone to regular peep school.  I bet those peep teachers don't even know the basics of special relacativy.  MOUSES!

Peeps make a big deal about the inclusion of the speed of light in their version of this theory.  They keep talking 'bout how it's important 'cause the speed of light is constant.  As I discussed earlier, the light isn't movin' so if that means it's constant at zero, I guess we can let the peeps have that one. 

And don't you just love it when the peeps get all fancy-schmancy and start sayin' things like, "the speed of light in a vacuum?"  They think they sound all important sayin' stuff like that but let me tell you something.  We have more than one vacuum in our house.  I don't like 'em but we have 'em and I checked 'em all.  Yes, I looked inside of all three of those vacuums and I did not find a single lamp, flashlight or even a light bulb.  Not even one of those teeny-tiny Christmas tree lights.  Speed of light in a vacuum?  MOUSES!

Obviously, the speed of the swipe of a cat's paw is not constant.  Some cats like to whack stuff with great force while others are nudgers.  I, myself, enjoy a little of both.  You know what they say.   They say, variety is the spice of life. 

And you can certainly understand how this all plays out.  Let's say I give a ball a great big ol' whack.  Well, that ball is gonna have a lot of catnetic energy when it hits the wall, right?  It might even leave a mark or something.  If I take that very same ball and just nudge it towards the wall, there will be very little catnetic energy.  It might not even bounce back.  Might not even have enough energy to do that.  Pretty interesting, huh?

I would like to add that the mass of the cat has nothing to do with the principles of special relacativy other than the possibility that a heavier cat might have a stronger paw swipe, thereby increasing the value of 'c'.  Other than that, the mass of the cat is irrelevant.  So kitties, if you wanna chow down a second helpin' of the Fancy Feast, by all means, do so.  It won't 'cause any issues with teleporting.

Yes, teleporting.  That's what it all boils down to.  Special relacativy has been used to enable cats to teleport all over the world.  The greatest scientific cat minds of the last several generations have used the principles of special relacativy to allow us cats to travel from here to there in mere seconds.  The concepts of time and space and of space and time have become one.  We cats have merged time, space, mass and energy, creating devices to allow us to travel through both space and time with limited energy and teleport to our hearts' content.

To my knowledge, peeps have no teleportation devices.  So exactly where did their version of the theory get them?  Nowhere, that's where.  They're still tryin' to figure out how to move the lamps.

28 comments:

  1. It is great fun to be able to teleport all over the world and visit all kinds of countries. And we do travel with the speed of light. Take care.

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  2. I think you got it all figured out, Nissy! As for the teleportation, that explains why my cats who aren't allowed outside, simply disappear in the house & then reappear later.

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  3. I agree, and I often wonder how those humans come up with some of the things they do. All they really have to do is sit back and learn from the best!

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  4. Oh, Nerissa, you are SO SMART! I am just in awe of your brainpower.

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  5. Oh, Nissy. You are the most intelligent kitty around. You think the peeps will understand the REAL science? One day, maybe?
    No, neither do I.

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  6. why don't they just use a magic closet like bunnies do?!!!xx Speedy

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  7. I wonder if Albert Einstein had a cat. I bet he got his theories from a feline... and being a human, messed them up.

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    1. That would make SO much sense!

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  8. I enjoyed your post very much, but if I'm being totally honest, it kinda made my head hurt from thinking so much! :-)

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  9. yes, yes..Sparkle is like totally right! Always the peeps! Nissy, I think relacativity is key to many things that help make our cat teleport tunnels and stuff work. And the catnetic energy squared by my paw speed in whacking..very very interesting...maybe I can make some adjustments in my 3 way teleport tunnel and get more speed from it...pads off to check some stuff out...

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  10. Um, where do you get all the eggbeaters? eBay?

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    1. E-Bay... yard sales... Sears... wherever they sell 'em. purrs

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  11. Wish we could teleport with momma when she travels...... She goes away all the time.... :(

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  12. We hope you are successful with the teleported. Lee and Phod

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  13. Both our vacuum monsters have lights. What does that mean? Are they mutants or aliens? Purrs and hugs, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

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    1. You've gotta look INSIDE the bag for the lights. Bet there are no lights INSIDE the bag. purrs

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  14. Careful Nissy, you're getting dangerously close to giving away some OFSs (whispers) you know Official Feline Secrets. Although, I guess I shouldn't worry. Most humans have never heard of the laws of catativity, so they won't be able to follow what you've written anyway.

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  15. Thanks for that clear explanation, Nerissa. Both the Human and I feel "enlightened" (heh heh) by your lesson.
    Also, I finally(!) got the Human to help me post my Favorite Things award (geez, about time, eh?) Thanks, my furiend!

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  16. Wow I just think my brain grew a bit bigger!

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  17. Oh Nissy you are so clever. A veritable boffin we say. Enjoy your teleportation and yes we too checked out the vacuum and no there was no light here either. Have a marvellous Monday.
    Best wishes Molly

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  18. Hi Nissy....isn't it grand to be one of the superior beings on the planet able to leap tall buildings at a single bound - teleport ourselves to the far reaches of the universe should we wish - practice our special brand of voodoo on the peeps to get our way, etc. Thanks for reminding me of why I love being a meowzer!

    Kitty Hugs, Sammy

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  19. Furry interestink, Nissy!! I remember positing my own theory of E=mc2 one time and it was surprising similar to yours except it was a bit different. It went something along the lines of Felis = multi canis squared. But actually it was the whole space time continuum thingy that put the kybosh on it in the end.

    I really learn things from you Nissy ;)

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  20. Albert Einstein did have a cat who reportedly had bouts of depression. I can believe that.

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  21. * scribbles notes on to a scrap of paper * Fascinating Nissy, JUST what I was looking for…...

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  22. WELL said! Or I should say your Theory is one of the best Cataitific Papers I have had the privelege to read in years! King Spitty is also a Scientist, I bet you didn't know that! He is the FIRST Scientist-Kitty to introduce us to transportation in our Tunnels and Ess's and Cubes and Tents. True.

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  23. We can TOTALLY see we need to have our physicist dad read this. We're rather ashamed to say he annually has students solve the E=mc2 equation the...*human* way... *SIGH*.

    A cat's work is never done.

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  24. Well, some Humans can teleport. There's Spock and the Doctor and a few others. I wonder why they don't teach all the rest of 'em?

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    1. Ah but Spock was a Vulcan and the Doctor is a Time Lord. Niether one is a peep. Kirk was human though... Hmmm... Spock must have helped him teleport.

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