Sunday, 9 June 2013

friggity-frack der quack-der-knack!

...for when "MOUSES!" just isn't enough.

I've got problems.  Oh do I ever have problems.  I've got problems like no other cat has ever had problems.  Yes, yes...  I know...  two of those problems are my peeps but, believe it or not, I've got even bigger problems than that!  Them...  Whatever...  Yes, I have e-mail problems.

It all started just over a month ago.  Well...  it started long before that but it was just over a month ago that I realized just how serious my problems were.  It was just over a month ago that I was forced to invent my new saying, "friggity-frack der quack-der-knack!"  It takes some pretty serious problems to have to invent a sayin' like that, I can assure you.

One day, all my e-mails stopped.  Stopped!  Not a single e-mail was coming through.  Now, some might suggest that I just wasn't gettin' any mail...  that no one liked me anymore...  but I knew that that was not true.  You see, I have comment moderation on this here blog of mine so every time a friend leaves a comment on my blog, I get an e-mail.  Pals were leavin' comments all over the place but I wasn't getting any e-mails.  So you see, I knew for a fact that something was apaw.  Duh duh duh duhhhhh.....

I called out, "Peepers!  Prepare my teleportation device!" 

Ol' peepers replied, "Nissy, you don't need your teleportation device for this.  We'll just call the phone company."

"Fine but you do it.  I've got stuff to work on," I mumbled as I went back to pouring over my blueprints for the time machine I'm building.  Don't tell anyone 'bout that last part, okay?  It's top secret.

So the peep got on the phone.  A very nice lady from the phone company tried to help ol' peepers with my e-mail prob.  Three hours later, the problem had been solved. 

It turned out, there was a back load of e-mails on my server.  You see, I had been deleting e-mails after reading them but apparently, when I was deleting them, I wasn't really deleting them at all.  And all those e-mails were causing a big ol' traffic jam.  All forty-four thousand of them!  That's a lot of e-mails. 

Apparently, there was some stupid little check-mark in some stupid little box that told the server to save all the e-mails even after they had been deleted.  The peep swears up and down that she did not check that box and to be honest, I kind of have to believe her.  As we all know, my peep #1 is a technologically impaired duffer.  She wouldn't know where to find that box to check if her life depended upon it.  I'm thinking the box was checked by gremlins.  Either that or leprechauns.  Neither one is a trustworthy species.

So, after the three hour phone call, all those messages still had to be erased.  The peep did that part on her own.  Two hundred at a time, she deleted all forty-four thousand.  What a job that was.  It took her another an hour.

After all that work, the peep thought she'd check my e-mail for me.  The little box appeared tellin' the peep we were receiving mail.  E-mails started pouring in.  One...  two...  three...  four...  FIVE THOUSAND E-MAILS!  Yes, you read that correctly...  FIVE THOUSAND OF THEM!

Some of them were a month old.  They must have been stuck in the server traffic jam.  A whole whack of them were duplicates.  Three, four and five identical e-mails.  The peep thought maybe that had something to do with all the times our password had been changed during the three hour phone call but really, she was just guessing.  All we knew for a fact was that the flood wouldn't stop.  My peep was drowning in e-mails.  MOUSES!

Once they finally stopped, she cleared out the second lot and sat back to admire her handiwork.  My e-mail was workin' like a charm.  All was right with the world.

The following week proved quite eventful.  I had my knee surgery, spendin' two nights and three days in hospital.  I masterminded "the great fancy feast grilled chicken pizza caper" and broke out of "the cone of shame" not once, not twice but three times.  Yes, it was quite a week but my e-mail was running smoothly.  Then, out of nowhere, everything came to a screeching halt!

One day, I went to check on my mail.  The little box popped up saying that I was receiving some and boy was I receiving mail.  It started pouring in.  It was another flood!  Seven hundred e-mails.  Every message from the past week had been duplicated several times but they all had to deleted, one by one.  During the process of deleting them, I made the mistake of readin' a couple.  I took too long...  the box reappeared...  the box tellin' me I was gettin' mail.  Another seven hundred e-mails!  MOUSES!

This has been going on for a month.  I keep tellin' the peep I need my teleportation device to head on over to the phone company.  She keeps assuring me that she'll call them.  She hasn't yet made the call. 

Ol' peepers says she simply doesn't have time for another three hour phone call but will, soon.  Perhaps after my period of recuperation is over.  I don't know how much longer I can take this.  If she doesn't soon fix it, I'm gonna have to take matters into my own paws and make that call myself.

These e-mail issues are ruining my life.  I can hardly face the seven hundred plus messages I know I will have to delete if I go to check my mail.  Messages I've already read.  Messages I've already deleted.  Messages that simply refuse to go away!

And it's having disastrous consequences upon my social life.  I'm missin' some of my favourite blogs.  Blogs I normally follow by e-mail instead of on my Blogger reading list.  I can't take the time to access them from my e-mail because I know that if I do, I might return to my e-mail to find thousands upon thousands upon thousands of messages.  It's a nightmare, I tell you.  A bloody nightmare.  Stephen King should write about this.  On second thought, this would be too frightening for even him.  This is a problem no man or cat should ever have to face.

I've said it before and I'll say it again.  FRIGGITY-FRACK DER QUACK-DER-KNACK!   ...'cause MOUSES! just isn't enough.

26 comments:

  1. Oh, Nissy, methinks you need a new email address for IMPAWTANT email!

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  2. Well I suppose it's better to know that people tried to reach you, than to wonder if they ever had.
    You could either attempt to catch up, and allow some time each day to do so, or delete them all and keep right up to date from now.
    It's good that you're able too, now, right?

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  3. Wow, that was a lot of emails. Sorry you are having all that trouble. But glad you got things working again. Hope that knee is doing better too. Take care.

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  4. delet them all and start a fresh that is the best thing Nissy,I feel for you Mate!xxSpeedy

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  5. That sounds awful. And "MOUSES" certainly doesn't cut it. We hope your email troubles sort themselves out quickly. Any way of changing your email address?

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  6. Wow. Technology is hell! Srsly. I hope this comment does not wind up being 3 or 4 emails for you, Nerissa! And I hope this gets cleared up!!

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  7. I'd better not add to your problems Nissy, so I shall instruct my human not to click send.. . . .. . . . .



    Oooops!

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  8. Holy Buckets pal - you really do have a problem there. YIKES - we'd faint over here if that happened to us. Hope the issue gets fixed soon before you are all buried alive in all those emails.

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  9. Wow, that surely is a big balled up mess. Maybe it is time for a new e-mail address or a new e-mail provider. We had some trouble back a while when we didn't get any of our e-mail for a couple of weeks. Don't remember how Mom fixed it, but at least she did. So good luck Nissy. We hope this gets straightened out for you. A bum wheal was enough crumminess for the year. Maybe it is time to invent another kitty swear word; though, we really like this one. Purrs and hugs from the kitties at The Cat on My Head, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Josette

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  10. Oh pal, that's horrible and I can't imagine having to deal with all those emails. I sure hope you get it figured out soon.

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  11. How many emails?!?! 44,000?!?! No wonder you invented your fab word, Nerissa! Sums it all up really!

    Take care
    x

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  12. Holy CAT! We agree - mouses just doesn't quite cover that one, Nissy!

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  13. Computers are wonderful when their not ruining our lives!

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  14. Are you sure they're not coming from Hogwarts?

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  15. Dang, that is a mess. We hope everything gets worked out sometimes soon for you, Nerissa.

    Is your leg feeling better, we hope?

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  16. Nissy Mate, this is one of those things that shows that computers are far from perfect. This is a genuine thing that can and does go wrong. I must check mine to see iffen ours goes the same way - altho' we are not as profilifky as you and your peeps.

    Dash

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  17. Nothing like being popular BOL! I hope you get it sorted soon, although I love the idea of a horror novel - the return of the email!!

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  18. FRIGGITY-FRACK DER QUACK-DER-KNACK mouses that sure is one heck of a problem. LOL we don't know what to suggest. Maybe just open a new account?????? Have a marvellous email free Monday.
    Best wishes Molly

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  19. Poor Nissy....as if it wasn't enough of a problem for you recovering from your surgery now the email gremlin has bit you in the (insert name of body part here)! Not fair! There's only so much one guy should have to take - am I right? Well, here's hoping something magical happens and your email issue is solved without further delay. A busy guy like you can't afford to have his flow of NEWS interrupted!

    Kitty Hugs, Sam

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  20. one solution? Stop using comment moderation...I stopped using it and couldn't be happier!

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    Replies
    1. Oh no! I LOVE my comment moderation. In fact, it was only because of that that I KNEW there was a problem. That's how I KNEW, for a fact, I was missin' e-mails, in the first place.

      The problem is the repeatin' e-mails. The e-mails I delete but keep comin' back. They're not all from Blogger. They're from EVERYONE!

      It all has something to do with my settings... Doesn't matter from where those e-mails are coming. It's deeper than that.

      But not to worry! An investigative reporter like myself should be a able to solve this mystery. Just need to dig a little deeper with my paws..

      purrs

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  21. Technology can be tricky sometimes. I hope you can get it all sorted out. Good luck!

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  22. Crikey Nerissa! That's a lot of emails! If only you got a dollar for every e-mail...THAT IS A LOT OF TUNA YOU COULD BUY. And of course give some to kitties in need. MOL!

    Headbonks and purrs

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  23. First of all, I don't think I have ever told you how adorable looking you are. I mean handsome. But I =feel badly for you going through all of that. I hope to goodness it gets resolved!

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  24. That's a huge problem Nerissa. We had a kind of same problem a few month ago and Granny had to subscirbe to every blog again...sigh... I hope everything will work properly soon. Here are a few extra pawkisses to encourage you :)

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  25. I love your new saying. I think it about sums up the whole experience of life. I am a bit jealous that you have a teleportation device. I want a teleportation device!


    http://online-phd-uk.co.uk/

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