Wednesday, 22 May 2013

she's doin' it all wrong!

As you may have heard, I'm still under house arrest.  Oh yeah...  sure...  the peeps call it rest and recuperation.  I call it like I see it...  HOUSE ARREST.   The peeps say I have to give my knee a chance to heal, properly.  I say, MOUSES!  I'm bored.  I'm bored as bored can get.  Bored as a floor board in an empty boardroom floor.  I WANT OUT.

Well, I guess ol' peepers was listening 'cause last week, she took me outside on a harness, twice.  Turns out, I don't particulary like bein' on a harness. 

I think the peep thought we would go for a little walk in the garden.  Check out some flowers and whatnot.  Well, she might have thought that but, let me tell you, I thought otherwise. 

There wasn't a whole lot of walkin' to be done.  At least, not on my part.  Instead of goin' for a walk, I just had a little sit in the grass while Peep #1 stood there and watched me...  sitting.  Okay, I admit it.  I did bat at a couple of bugs.  Maybe more than just a couple.  But those bugs deserved bein' batted.  I'm sure of it.  They were bugging me, you see...

After the peep watched me sit for a bit, she picked me up and carried me around the garden.  I saw some stuff.  Some stuff other than those bugs.  I saw some flowers.  There were tulips and primroses and a daffodil or two.  The daffies were fading fast but there were still a few left.  I even saw some blossoms on the peach and nectarine trees but, I am told, they are all gone now.  Good thing I caught a glimpse when I did.  That's more than I can say for the bugs.  I didn't catch any of them.  Just batted 'em.

But I also saw some other stuff and after seein' that other stuff, I have come to the conclusion that...  SHE'S DOIN' IT ALL WRONG!

Never let a peep loose in the garden, unsupervised.  It should be a law or something.

At the front of my house, I have a bed of primroses.  They're kind of pretty when they bloom in the spring.  Pretty enough for me to pose among them and whatnot.  Well, all along the edge of that bed of primroses, I have been carefully cultivating some grass.  It's just the ordinary kind of grass that one might find in a lawn but this particular grass is fresh and tender and in the perfect location for grazing.  With grass for grazing, location is everything!  You know what they say...  "location, location, location!"  Cats were sayin' that about grazing grass long before peeps ever said it about properties, you know.  It's a fact.

Location is important 'cause you want your grazing grass in a convenient spot.  I don't like to have to walk too far when I feel the need for a nibble or two.  If I have to walk all the way to the other side of the yard, I might forget what I'm aiming for by the time I get there.  Don't laugh.  It happens.  It happens a lot.  It happens to cats and peeps.  Don't believe me?  Have you never seen your peep standin' in front of the refrigerator, peerin' inside and wondering what on earth he or she was after?  Like I said...  it happens.

Accessibility of the location is also extremely important.  I chose this particular spot for my grass garden 'cause it was accessible from the driveway.  Nothin' worse than havin' to pad through dewy, wet lawn in the morning.  It can be cold and...  well... obviously, damp.  Icky.  The driveway, on the other paw, dries up quickly.  It dries up far more quickly than the lawn.  It's warm, too, when the sun shines on it.  The driveway makes for nicely heated seating while munching on ones grass.  Very nice and not icky at all.

So, like I said, I have been carefully cultivating my little plot of grass in my perfectly chosen spot.  I have been cultivating it for quite some time, now.  So you can imagine how shocked I was when the peep carried me over to the primroses and I looked down to see...  I looked down to see...  I can barely formulate the words.  I looked down to see that my grass was GONE!

Peep #1 had been let loose in the garden with the tools of evilness - namely, one garden trowel - and had been allowed to dig up my grass.  She says she was weeding.  Weeding.  Weeding?  Those weren't weeds!  That was my grass!!!

Now, I know stuff and one of the things I know is that a weed is a plant growing where it's not supposed to grow.  Well, that grass was growing exactly where it was supposed to grow.  That grass was growing in the perfect spot.  It was in the ideal location.  The ideal location which I had so carefully chosen for my little grass garden.  MOUSES!

The peep is not entirely to blame.  My sister, Mason, played a part in this catastrophe, as well.  You see...  on the day the unthinkable happened, my sister Mason was supposed to be out in the garden, supervising the peep.  My sister, Mason, was supposed to be keeping a watchful eye on her.  Makin' sure she didn't get into too much trouble out there and whatnot.  Makin' sure she didn't dig up my grass!

Now, just what was my sister, Mason, doin' when she was supposed to be supervising?  She was posing!  She was posing in the daffy down dillies in the back yard.  Posing among the daffies in the back while ol' peepers was devastating my grass garden in the front.  I have proof of this neglectful behaviour on Mason's part.  She was caught in the act.  Caught in the act of posing.  I have the pictures to prove it.  MOUSES!



38 comments:

  1. Obviously a terrible catastrophe, the kind of appalling event that happens while under house arrest.

    But what if your humans planted nip or something else equally savoury and tempting? Just a thought. Unless you already have a nip patch?

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  2. We hope you are feeling better, Nerissa, despite still being under house arrest. . .

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  3. Oh Nissy, that is so sad that you have to keep on resting and resting but you want that leg to get better don't you?? At least you got outside for a little while. That is too bad about your grass being gone. That was unnecessary. We sure do send lots of purrs that your leg will heal quickly. Take care.

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  4. Oh dear. We hope you heal quickly and get out of house arrest as soon as possible.

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  5. Don't worry you'll be out soon. By the way, your sister is such a beautiful lady.

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  6. Don't worry, I bet your "house arrest" will end soon. By the way, your sister is looking lovely in that picture.

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  7. OMC ! This is soooo terrible to read that your Peep #1 have destroyed your purrfect grass spot :(
    Keep my paws crossed that it will grow back real quick :)

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  8. Oh, Nissy, we all know that hoomins can't do ANYthing without snoopervision. But at least you got to go outside, that was nice.

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  9. oh well the thing with weeds is they always come back!xx Speedy's mum

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  10. So sorry...but, you gotta admit your sister is gorgeous in the daffs!
    Purrs
    Miss Kitty

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  11. Why don't you ask your mum to put you a reclining chair outside on the grass so you can take advantage of any sun - of course you'll need a little bell so she can hear you ringing for attention when she's inside. It would also be an excellent way to keep her fit - just watch her get inside and then ring the bell for attention again - any excess weight will just drop off if you ring enough times - say you start on 4 rings the first hour and then build it up gradually.
    Luv Hannah and Lucy xx xx

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  12. dood...hope itz oh kay if we say yur sister iz one hot kitteh ;) ;)

    N sorree bout de hole houz arrest thing...but trooly; itz for de best...pop open a window, pull up a ree clinerz chairz...grab de tee and vee ree mote...haza plate oh reddy snaks......watch sum garfield tee and vee

    and conga ratz once again on winnin de 2013 best blog writin trofee !! :)

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  13. Oh oh. But you've got to admit, Mason looks mighty pretty in the photo!

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  14. Oh, we love Hannah and Lucy's idea!
    Nissy, you should ask Peep #1 to plant you some new fresh grass, maybe even an indoor container of it. Nice tender stuff for nomming on.

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  15. Hannah and Lucy have an excellent idea!! Nissy, that grass disappearing like that should be a federal offence or something - whatever you call it in Canada?? But it does sound as though that grass affects your memory. I know some funny grass that does that too! You sure your peep didn't sell it or something? ;)

    Glad you're doing better Niss
    chow, Austin

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  16. Concats on winning the best blog writing award.
    That was very thoughtless of the peep to destroy your lovely grass garden.

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  17. Gee pal, I sure hope the house arrest ends soon, that has gotta be pretty darn boring.

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  18. But she looks so nice with the daffs o dills.

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  19. We're glad you got to go out, Nissy. But we agree, harnesses are not much fun. And we're sorry your grasses got destroyed.

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  20. Good job at making them take you out. Lee and Phod

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  21. Geez, Nerissa, you spend a little while recuperating from an injury and all hell breaks loose! Humans - they are impossible to properly supervise sometimes.

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  22. First of all, I'm heartbroken your grass was absconded with. I don't know if that's spelled right, and since I'm a cat I really don't care much about spelling. But that your peep stole your grass is just unthinkable. Honestly! I can't think!!!

    Secondly, I wear a harness when I hit the road with my pawrents to travel to Michigan for holidays, and also when my mom takes me with her to booksignings. I like to think of my harness as a Badge of Honor cuz she wants to show me off enough to take me from the house so complete strangers can appreciate how wonderpurr I am. Modesty aside, if it weren't for harnesses I would be stuck here at my house with only my pawrents to lavish attention on me, and frankly they already do that so what's the point?

    Get better soon, Niss. You gotta take back control. Hugs!

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  23. Nerissa, Buddy, you got to chillax. Have a brewski and a little line'o'the'vine and soon you'll be feelin' just fine.

    Mason's really cuuuuuuute. Just sayin'.

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  24. Humans just don't seem to understand what is important to us cats. At least you got out a little. Maybe your grass garden will grow back.

    Spyro

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  25. Your sister Mason is a beauty, Nerissa, of course not so beautiful as you, hehehe... You take it easy okay. You need some time to heal and at least you allowed to sit with your Peeps in the garden, but you have to be patient. See ya :)

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  26. We hope you are feeling better and that house arrest ends soon. Have a terrific Thursday.
    Best wishes Molly

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  27. Hope you are feeling better! Remind the staff they are suppose to be helping you feel better not add to your stress!!

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  28. Cats should not be under house arrest, but I'm quite sure your peeps love you :)

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  29. Well Nissy you know you really DO need to recuperate from that surgery of yours - boring as it may be to do so - you sure as heck don't want to have to go through that again right? Just sit and enjoy the sniffs and sounds....you'll be back to your normal activity before you know it (as long as you behave now!)....meanwhile it's nice to SHARE that garden!

    Kitty Hugs, Sammy

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  30. Poor mew still being under house arrest! I have a BIG surprise to cheer mew up... go here:

    http://bionicbasil.blogspot.co.uk/p/get-your-award.html

    and get your:

    Bestest Kitty Blogger in the Cosmos Award!

    Enjoy my furriend!

    Bestest purrs

    Basil xox

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  31. Mason I don't believe I've had the purr-leasure of meeting you! You look very pretty next to those flowers - of course, cats ALWAYS enhance any type of foliage, don't you think?

    Nerissa, hey at least you GOT an outdoor adventure. I never EVER go out - harness, no harness - unless it's in a carrier to the V E T. So you can guess I'm not keen on it. MOL

    PURRZ!
    Selina

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  32. glad you're able to go out and feel the grass under your paws and you get to smell them flowers too. baby steps kitty, baby steps.

    emma and buster

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  33. We must agree. That was truly shameful behavior on Mason's part. She should be forced to walk through cold, dewy grass everyday to bring you tender, young sprouts of grass for munching. Purrs and hugs from the kitties at The Cat on My Head, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Josette

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  34. Hey Buddy! I'm glad you had fun wif your toy--tearing fevvers off is the best part of a wand toy. Hope you are feeling a bit better efurry day.

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  35. oh what criminal injustice the peeps perpetrate upon us! *sighhh* It's simply inhumane! Why that *ahem* weeding goes on over HERE too!

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  36. Oh no....how could they dig up your grass? That's a terrible thing to do to you!!

    The Florida Furkids

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  37. Your peep can't be doing it all wrong, her flowers look pretty. I love the picture of your sister Mason in among the daffodils.

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