Sunday, 24 February 2013

the wayward claw

You know that saying, "Reach out and touch someone?"  My Auntie Blossom must have heard it somewhere 'cause she has really taken it to heart.  You might say, she has a bit of a wayward paw.  You might even say, she has a bit of a wayward claw.

The peeps will be sitting on the couch in the family room with Blossom lying next to one of them.  Well, when my auntie decides she needs a little attention, she'll reach out and touch whomever is closest to her.  Either peep will do.  She's not too picky 'bout that sort of thing.

First comes the touch of the paw.  Then comes the claw.  Just one claw.  Just one, razor sharp claw.  Goes right through clothing and into skin.  My auntie's claw never fails her.  Gets a peeps attention instantly.  It's faster than a speedin' bullet.  My gosh, it might even be faster than the speed of light!

The peeps, of course, aren't too thrilled 'bout this means of gettin' their attention.  They say it hurts.  Also does a real doozy on the clothing, I am told.  You see, sometimes Blossom pulls back her paw without pullin' back the claw.  Just kinda sticks in the fabric of the clothes.  Well...  stuff happens, I suppose.  Yeah...  stuff happens.

Now, I have to say something in my auntie's defence.  It really isn't Blossom's fault if her claw hurts a peep or damages their clothing.  Nope.  If she did that to me, it wouldn't hurt one bit.  Do you know why?  'Cause I've got a fur coat, of course.  If the peeps had the sense to grow some fur on their arms and legs and backs and whatnot, there would be no problem.  It's not Blossom's fault they're bald everywhere but the tops of their heads.  Not Blossom's fault at all!

Perhaps the peeps realise that any and all problems caused by the claw are really problems of their own making.  I say this 'cause Blossom never gets into any trouble regarding the claw.  Never any trouble at all.  Of course, my auntie does have one of those faces.  You know the ones.  Those big ol' innocent eyes get even bigger and wider than normal and look all pleading and whatnot.  She begs for attention.  She looks like she hasn't had any attention in years and years and years.  It's practically a look of desperation.  It's a look of desperate begging, for sure! 

Actually, if I'm being honest - and I always am, my Auntie Blossom looks a little like a basset hound.  Yeah, my auntie who is most definitely a cat, looks a whole lot like a basset hound...  and that would be a dog.  She doesn't have the ears to pull off a basset hound though.  But, I bet, if you stuck a pair of long hound dog costume ears on her, you'd be pretty hard pressed to tell the difference. 

The peeps never raise their voices to her when Blossom gives them the claw.  Nope.  They just gently disentangle the claw from their clothing and, sometimes, skin. 

It's really quite funny to watch, you know.  I've spent many an hour being amused by the peeps and claw.  A peep will be sitting there and then, all of a sudden, they make this funny kind of face.  All screwed up and whatnot.  Sometimes you'll hear a bit of a squeal, too.  Especially if the first peep is involved.  It's not a squeal of delight or anything.  More like a squeal of pain, I should think.  Then comes the disentanglement of the claw and clothing bit.  Yeah, I know...  so far it hasn't been too funny.  The comedy routine comes next.

The peep in question will then give my auntie the attention she wants.  Blossom is quite partial to chin scritches and tummy rubs so she usually gets those.  The attention will continue for a few minutes and then the peep will stop.  Then you wait.  Five, four, three, two, one....  CLAW!!!  Hehehe...  Happens every time.  It's like clockwork.  And this can happen like, seven, eight, nine, even ten times an hour.  It's like the peeps can't grasp the concept.  The concept that if they stop paying attention to my auntie, she's gonna give them the claw.  They just don't seem to understand that if they don't want the claw, they've gotta keep up with the tummy rubs.  The answer is as clear as day.  As clear as a sunny day with no cloud cover and excellent visibility for miles and miles and miles.  Don't know why the peeps can't figure it out.

But I'll tell you who has figured it out.  That would be my sister Tobias.  She, just like my Auntie Blossom, has razor sharp claws.  Kitten like claws.  She has seen how Blossom gets extra attention and has worked up a little scheme of her own.  When she wants a peep's attention, Toby will now give them the claw, too.  She doesn't have Blossom's desperate begging look of a basset hound goin' for her but she does have her irresistible kittenish charm.  She's not a young kitten anymore or anything.  She just looks like one.  She's really small and has a kittenish figure.  Anywho...  when Toby gives them the claw, she doesn't get into any trouble, either.  She knows that neither of our peeps would ever yell at a kitten...  even if that kitten is actually a full-grown cat in disguise.

I never give the peeps the claw.  Maybe I should.  Seems to work for my auntie and my sister.  Hmmm...  might give it a try, one day.  See what it gets me.  Might get me some extra chin scritches.  Oohhh....  I like those!  Who am I kidding...  I love 'em!  Yeah...  just might give that ol' claw a try.  I'll let you know what happens, when I do.

28 comments:

  1. Nerissa, you and your sister and Aunt and all sure have some good peeps. We have one kitty here who almost does the same thing. Gertrude will put her paw on Mom's face to wake her up. But she is very gentle about it. Hope all of you have a Super Sunday.

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  2. We do think you should give that claw technique a try, Nerissa. Especially if it means extra chin scritches!

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  3. I first give a touch of paw without claws, but if my human is too slow to understand I put the claws. Slowly. One after one, stretching my fingers, and then grasping what I can.... Loupi on Mum's account

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  4. Well stuff happens like you said,but I don't think you need to do the "Claw" Nerissa who can resist you,you have your own charm my friend,xx Speedy

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  5. Audrey does the poke and claw thing with Mom's FACE when she is at the computer and she wants to be fed. Not a good move. Irritates Mom a LOT and she tells her to STOP IT.

    Nissy, your peeps are slow to learn, Then need to put a blanket or quilt over their legs when they sit down on the couch when Blossom or Tobias are there.

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  6. I dont think you need to do the claw at all because you are so lovely and will get atteention. I dont think Auntie means to hurt either but I agree about the fur.. te he.. Hugs GJ xx

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  7. I too am an adherent of The Claw, and my Daddy is as dumb as the day is long as well! Peeps are so dense. Well, except for the skin part...
    xx The Baby

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  8. I only use the claw when I'm desperate for food and then I use all of em on the carpet ... don't care where and I completely ignore the yelling and throwing of pillows at me as the noise I make scratching the carpet is very satisfying and within minutes my bowl has some treats in it!

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  9. I tell you - humans are so very dense sometimes. I agree with you, if they'd continue to pay attention to Auntie, they wouldn't get clawed.

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  10. I use the paw/ claw technique too - I have to say it is QUITE effective!

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  11. "talk to the claw"
    about "reach out and touch someone"......I think only SOME of us know that phrase...the rest might be too young....but we are older than dirt! :)

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  12. There are several of us here with those razor claws, but we usually claw the peeps only by accident!

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  13. Try it out soon Nerissa before the peeps discover claw clippers !!!!!
    Purrs Tillie and Georgia,
    Treasure,Tiger,JJ and Julie

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  14. I don't know about the claw method of attention-getting. I know that kind of stuff usually means an appearance of the clippers!

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  15. I think I'm gonna try the claw trick too!
    Thanks to Blossom for these good tips ;-)
    Purrs

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  16. Me uses the claw! It works purrrfect!
    Kisses
    Me;;oe

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  17. Nerissa, the peeps are so thick, generally, that the claw needs to be applied regularly and with some vigour!

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  18. Nissy, your post is brilliant as ever. You put us to shame. We must sharpen our writing claws and get on that laptoppy and CREATE! Mum said to say she loved your CLAW post too hehehehe! Wonderful! XXX

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  19. Sounds like you have a long way to go till your peeps are fully trained! Good luck

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  20. Pawsome paws! Have a marvelous Monday.
    Best wishes Molly

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  21. Your claw will keep them straight, that's for sure!

    Oink oink,
    Katie and Coccolino the mini pig

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  22. Oh no, not the claw!

    Pat
    Critter Alley

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  23. You know, your description of the Peeps' faces reminds the Human of the time one of the freshmen had a little one-girl business going down in the school cafeteria. She was piercing ears with a needle and an ice cube, and sometimes not even the ice cube. She got caught because a teacher saw a kid's face contorted in a silent scream across the lunchroom. And that was the end of that little entrepreneurship.

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  24. I LOVE demonstrating the pointiness of my claws to my Human! It's such fun when she shrieks (mol).

    Anyway, I just popped over to tell you I've nominated you for an awardie. Come over and see.

    Trixie the Black Panfur.

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  25. You know, I'd like to meet Auntie Blossom. I think she's my kind of Gal.

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    Replies
    1. Hmmm... She might be too old for you, King Spittimus. She's gonna be sixteen next month. purrs

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    2. Old LadyCats are the BEST--like very fine aged wine.

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  26. When I give the CLAW or start sticking to her, mommy hauls me off for a pawdicure. xoxox

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